May 27, 2011

A Confession

Heaven uses an open-source, Linux based email server.


Since Oprah is now over, let me confess on my blog. I've fathered three babies unbeknown to my imaginary wife. My co-conspirators were sequentially: my office intern, a member of my household staff, and inevitably, the proverbial (but quite literal) maid. The inspirations for these acts (and therefore the owners of authorial credit) are messers Clinton, Arnold, and DSK.


So, I'm giving them due acknowledgement. Also, thanking them for not copyrighting or trademarking these techniques. Instead, these are available to all those who seek to enjoy the benefits of democracy combined with atheism under the Creative Commons License.


Anyone can therefore use these techniques and modify them to suit their specific needs and then share the results with the world at large.


There. I've done it! Or is there more? Well, I just remembered a fourth baby that I had with the hot, young TV journo lady. That was inspired by Mr. Edwards. Ok. That's it.


Now I've confessed the great sin of my life. I'm completely CLEAN now. My soul is light as a feather ... or a size-zero model.


Do I need to go to the Ganga now for a holy dip? No. I think I'll skip that. The damn river is too dirty with human excrement ... not to mention rotting corpses of cows and humans.


Should I visit a dingy confession box? Well, my forefathers were not hot about Jesus and neither am I. No need to change a good, old tradition.



Anyway, I know that the gods are busy. Watching IPL of course. So, you can all take a break from making all your prayers. The gods have switched off their laptops. Closed their prayer mailbox. And disconnected that Internet cable.


Come on guys. Give the gods a break. Let them take a well-deserved vacation. What with the financial crisis and the recession in the U.S. and Greece and Europe, the gods have been particularly besieged with prayers from the desperate Americans and Europeans. And they're so difficult to please too, these white people!!!


But Indians. Bliss! An entirely different story. So easy to please! Always asking for one more baby. Give them a baby once in a while and they'll sleep, well, like the proverbial baby.


As for all the prayers from the IPL players, the poor guys don't know that the gods have made a pact amongst themselves. They'll not entertain any cricket-related prayers. It's not fair, you see. Do you want the gods to stoop so low as to be involved in betting? So, whatever results transpire are entirely due to the vagaries and uncertainties of the game of cricket itself. And any Earthly betting as may be happening on occasion.


So how do I know all this inside information? Well, as I hinted at the beginning, I've broken into the gods' email server.

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