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Sex, Religion and All That

Believers! Here's a task for you all.

For males in particular. Have you taken off your pants ... and had a picture of a particularly sexy beauty on the computer screen ... say KK or PC or MM or CC or someone else to your particular liking. AP is one of my favorites. And touched your manhood to the face or mouth of the female star on the screen?

Go ahead. Do not hesitate. Do it if you have not done it before. Does it have any or some slight effect at all? It should. It really should.

Now put a photograph of a female goddesses -- of the celestial kind -- on the same computer screen and do the touching thing again.

Oral sex with human beauties and oral sex with celestial beauties or goddesses. Nicely brings together the two crazy worlds of religion and sex together.

How can people go through their entire lives without questioning the tenets of their religions? We may have grown up with the particular rituals of our own particular religions. We may have witnessed those rituals being fastidiously performed by our parents and other relations. But when we grow up, should we not grow up?

In this day and age of scientific breakthroughs, surely it's only a nincompoop who will believe in silly creation myths of our various monotheistic and polytheistic religions.

Hinduism is particularly silly. I feel particularly qualified to talk about this religion as I grew up witnessing the idiosyncrasies of Hinduism in my home. There are rituals-a-day, other rituals to be performed once a week such as visiting various temples, etc. Many Hindu women visit the temple of Shiva on a Monday once per week. That surely represents one of the absolute peaks of human stupidity imaginable. How can literate people tolerate that?

If you, dear reader, are educated, I implore you: if you are a male and married, do you let your wife do such a stupid thing as visit a Shiva temple on Mondays? If you are a female, do you visit a Shiva temple of Mondays?

What for, I ask, what for. Ask that of yourselves?

Clearly there's a sense of intimidation too underlying the religious traditions. This god we are talking about here, Shiva, is apparently the god of destruction in Hindu mythology. A rather angry sort of guy. Probably he had once cut off the head of his young son once ... without realizing it. My recollection of this mythology stuff is rather patchy.

Shiva is also responsible for the destruction of all creation, the entire universe. He does this by a particular kind of dance ... what a hilarious, absurd, silly, childish, and above all stupid belief.

But Hindus nevertheless take this business perfectly seriously.

Some do that because they argue they are merely perpetuating traditions -- just as others are perpetuating theirs.

So there are a good bunch of people who consider themselves to be the saviors of Hinduism fighting against Hinduism's extinction.

Where are the saviors of sati, I wonder -- who would fight FOR that tradition?

Religion, for these people -- really they are the bulk of middle class [that rather nebulous ensemble phrase] India -- is more culture and tradition than anything else. It does not matter to them that by subscribing to stupid rituals and such they are also subscribing to notions that are either anti-common sense or plain wrong because those beliefs clash with basic principles of science.

The apple falls to the ground because there is a gravitational attraction between the Earth and the apple. The Earth moves around the Sun because of the force of gravity. The laws of nature are not optional. We cannot choose to either obey or not obey them. They apply universally to all of us.

It's worth remembering that the American nuclear weapons and the Soviet nuclear weapons and the Chinese ones and the Indian weapons too work on the same principles. The people belonging to these countries may have differing faiths and religious priorities but the science that they subscribe to is exactly the same.

Where is the harm in subscrbing to one's pet religions, people might ask. The harm is often subtle and hidden though sometimes it comes to the surface and people die in extraordinarily large numbers.

The world wars have been the largest killers of human beings in the modern age. They were conflicts involving notions of nationality and not so much religion. I am no historian. Perhaps religion can't really be implicated in any significant way in these two conflicts. The Holocaust of course was entirely traceable to religious differences. Of course people will argue that it was Hitler's specific handiwork and cannot be generalized to Christianity as a whole. Sure.

But there have been other riots entirely based on religion that have killed hundreds of thousands of people. The partition riots in India in 1947 immediately come to mind. The boundaries of nation states are being demarcated based on religion and people develop and then hold on to suspicions about each other on a long term basis.

The Middle East conflict and the India-Pakistan conflict here in the subcontinent are two examples of festering international crises that are purely religious.

Of course this is not to brush under the carpet other differences between people which also lead to conflict. There are enough internal conflicts inside India and Pakistan for example which are not religious in origin.

People will clearly fight for scarce resources and if their religion is the same -- as the case may often be in India -- they will find other things that unite and divide them. In India, those identities can be based on language which has been the basis of most of the state boundaries.

It's difficult to enumerate the 'good' that religion has done to humanity. Those so inclined will inevitably point to the charitable work -- which is often about spreading a particular religion.

The wars fought and the lives lost in religious wars in the middle ages easily outweigh any charitable stuff that the religiously-minded are doing now.

Anyone with any common sense should be able to weigh the good that has been done by science and technology and compare that to the rather slim record of good of religion.

Think of all the advances in medical sciences in the 20th century. So many of the diseases which were previously fatal and incurable are now well under control, curable, and not at all life-threatening or indeed eradicated from the face of the Earth.

We do not give medical science nearly enough of the credit that it deserves. Medical doctors save lives daily. They are the true life savers saving lives daily.

Technology also has made our lives so much more comfortable and convenient. Do we wish that we lived in a world of bullock carts and horse drawn carriages? Surely not. It's good that we live in a world of two wheeler vehicles, four wheeler vehicles, trains, and airplanes.

Think of the communications revolution -- everything from an 'humble' Nokia device to the priciest smartphones to having all the knowledge in the world at our fingertips thanks to the friendly World Wide Web.

The other big hang up people in India have is about sex. The people in the villages live in a parallel universe as far as I am concerned. I cannot begin to even imagine their chain of thought in relation to sex.

It's the so-called 'educated' city dwellers who present a conundrum. The reality is that the educated ones are not much different than the illiterate villagers.

All we need to do is remember that two generations ago, most of our forefathers were illiterate. We carry their legacy of thinking. So we have a situation where youngsters in India mostly equate sex with marriage.

Most people still marry. Then have sex. Then have kids. Or whatever.

I want to propose an alternative. Why marry? Clearly I think all males would love to have sex without having to marry. But females might not want to let males 'enjoy' all that.

So the males are forced to marry the females for the opportunity to have sex. And these marriages are 10 times more often than not arranged -- where the partners have basically nothing in common.

Although it's not fair to generalize, I think it would be a pretty good of summarizing marriages or sex in India thus:

  • Initially, the 20-something youngsters are starving and ravenous for sex. So once they get the 'opportunity' after marriage, they have sex quite frequently -- such as daily. After a while, the drudgery of life takes over. The 'novelty' of living together with a member of the opposite sex goes away and the partners get bored with each other.
  • The sex becomes somewhat repetitive and gets less frequent. May be the males need it more -- it's more of a physiological requirement for them. I presume couples probably have sex twice a week after three to six months of marriage.
  • After celebrating the first anniversary, or by the time the first marriage anniversary comes around, the couples are ready to call it quits. But of course in Indian society, you don't call quits on marriage. It's a      'LIFETIME' commitment. Both the partners are now regretting getting married. But of course they go through the motions of being married for the sake of society and because there's no alternative.
  • In more and more cases -- in the cities and when the females have options to fall back on -- these incompatibilities are leading to divorce which is quite welcome compared to the alternative of living in a dead relationship for the rest of one's life.
  • Where these options do not exist and Indian society is such that even the girl's parents and extended family will NOT accept her if she chooses to complain or wants to quit, the wife is forced to make compromises and tolerate whatever kind of donkey the husband might be.
  • In not infrequent number of cases, the husband turns out to be a habitual and out of control user of alcohol. In less number of cases, the husband might be violent, prone to using physical violence on the wife. Even then society won't do anything to punish the husband and rescue the wife. Instead, society will advise the wife to basically 'suck it up' and deal with it and to resign to 'fate.'
  • The 'average' of course lies somewhere in between. The husbands are your usual boring males ... with their crazy obsessions such as -- picking their nose, or dirty laundry, or laziness, or obsession with cricket or no help with domestic stuff. The wives are meanwhile the TV serial watching, god-fearing, ritual-following, unthinking kind. So what do they do together?? These two individuals and persons with distinct identities who realize that they have nothing in common really. Well, they proceed to the 'natural' next step of making babies. Indians like nothing more than making babies. I know of unemployed and under-employed uncles in my family who were married and having three kids -- THREE KIDS -- in the 1990s. Even then I was thinking as a teenager -- WHOA! Isn't that a bit too much? Or too MANY! But you are not subject to any opprobrium or social ostracism in Indian society for making the MAXIMUM number of babies you can.
  • And so the average couple makes a few babies and watches those babies grow. Eventually they grow old and die.

I want to propose an alternative. I trust all males love sex like me. So here's where you can begin. For the married males, here's my question and my advice: have you asked your wife if she wants to have sex with ANOTHER man and yes, go ahead and ENCOURAGE her to do so since it's possible that females in India may not dream about such 'opportunities.'

Go ahead folks! GO AHEAD! If you have sex outside of marriage -- what is known as 'extramarital sex', planet Earth is not going to fall off its axis or stop revolving around the Sun.

No god is going to punish you if you go ahead and have sex. You will be dead sooner or later in EITHER case. So you might as well ENJOY it while you are alive before you wither and dodder and die.

And yes, you husbands, if some other males put themselves inside your wife, well, DEAL with it guys -- though I know it's kind of TOUGH to deal with that. You sort of like to think of the wife as your personal 'property', don't you? Now come on and be honest.

And the wives, yes, the planet-falling-off stuff applies to you as well. And the growing-old stuff applies to you too. You might look young and 'hot' and beautiful and males might all admire your backsides if you like to move around publicly in tight jeans, but well that will slowly pass.

If you are the traditional god-worshiping type, then all I can say to you is 'GET A LIFE.' If you are the 'modern' type, well, you might do well to lower your expectations just a tiny little bit and settle for smaller and less-than-perfect males. There is a difference between huge and big and small and tiny you know. So enjoy all sizes. Don't wait up for Mr. Clooney or any of the Mr. Khans of Bollywood to fall for you. Truth be told, you ain't no Aishwarya. And a further truth be told: Abhisek is BORED with Aishwarya.

So I would advise you females to settle for a life of enjoyment and polygamy and no boring marital relationship. Of course, for that, you'll need to get a job to support yourself financially. Once you give up the option to have a career of your own, you become financially dependent on someone else and that's always DANGEROUS. You might be 'swayed' by love or some such occasional thing but I think love fades, wanes, diminishes, vanishes, ends.

So insure yourself against that. Get a job. Have sex with colleagues. Preferably male. Though I am not saying that homosexuals are against the laws of nature or anything like that. It's just that as a male, I am interested in females and if ALL females were to turn into lesbians, I would have a problem, right? But I don't think that's a very likely scenario in India.

Here are the advantages of living a liberated lifestyle and putting an end to the age-old rules of living life in India which come from antiquity and have slim logic under them.

Both husbands and wives and unmarried ladies and men: you will get to enjoy sex and enjoy some 'VARIETY' which is the spice of life as they say. You will no longer be forced to force yourself to have sex with the same old boring (perhaps fat and ugly too) partner.

If you are a beautiful female, I think I can assure you that you won't have trouble getting males. So enjoy that.

If you are a not-so-beautiful female, even then I think you will get males ... males will be interested in having sex.

For beautiful and ugly males: surely I don't need to justify or argue in FAVOR of a scheme whereby males get to have MORE sex! But only change in mindset that males have to go through is being less possessive about their wives. I think this is easier said than done.

People can and do live with extraordinary numbers of hang ups and blind spots.

So am I going to see a sea change or at least SOME tiny little bit of change in mindsets among Indians in my lifetime?

Well, the last arguments I will advance are these. Think of the French. They enjoy life a hell of a lot better than us Indians with our hang-ups or even the American Christian types with hang ups.

Then there are the Bollywood types. Remember all the rolling-around-in-bed scenes that happen in movies not to mention the kissy-kissy stuff and holding of hands, squeezing, etc. That's REAL, right? Just because you're in a movie and 'acting' does not mean that you don't get the physical rewards or stimulation of doing stuff like that with members of the opposite sex.

I am sure Rajesh Khanna enjoyed PERSONALLY as a MALE being PHYSICALLY close to the sexy females of yesteryear such as that Begum ... yes Sharmila Tagore, or the regal beauty Waheda Rehman, or the sexy Mumtaz. I mean what would the average male give to be THIS close ... like 2 inches ... to the boobs of these beauties or to hold them close thus pressing against their boobs. Or like I remember from a classic song, Rajesh Khanna putting his head in Waheda's lap. Ummmmm ...

Cut to the present day Bollywood. Who are the mouthwatering stars? Twinkle Khanna is no longer there. But Katrina Kaif is surely hot. Aishwarya has got a baby, but Priyanka and Bebo are still showing their boobs, right?

And it's the male stars of today -- Shah Rukh, that-guy Rishi Kapoor's son, crazy old Salman, OLD Aamir and all the rest -- who are getting to get really, REALLY close to those boobs.

So males, envy, ENVY, these men.

And if you are married and get to have sex with your wife, remember that probably Saeed Jaffrey and Alque Padamsee had WAYYYY more fun in the sex department than you will ever have.

Even 100 year old theater lady Zohra Sehgal probably had more sex and more fun than you guys.


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